January 4, 2021
My mind is filled with unpleasant thoughts that seek to destroy me. I’m in constant conflict with myself, trying not to give in to destructive habits that have plagued me for so long. I want to believe that some day I can get better, but on days like today I start to doubt that that will ever happen. My world is filled with a suffocating darkness. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to escape it. I don’t want to be this way forever.
What if it’s best to just accept the facts now instead of holding them off for later?
I probably sound like a broken record at this point, the key word being broken. I hate to see the state of our world today. There’s so much hate and rage that we humans have for one another. At this point, if you don’t hate, you’re in the minority. What a sad thing.
I know that this world has never nor will ever be perfect, but I believe as humans we have to do everything in our power to make the world a little less awful each day. You have taught me time and again the capacity that we all have to love one another. I think many of us have just forgotten how to.
I’ve wanted to change the world for as long as I can remember. Even at a young age, I knew that I wanted my life to mean something within the greater history of humankind. In my heart I craved to use whatever I could—any talent, gift or resource—to help others feel love and see hope. As a teen I would sometimes find myself in tears, thinking about the hurt that so many people were experiencing. I still do that to this day.
Soos, please help me to help others.
I want to make you proud.