October 14, 2020
A struggle of mine that often haunts me are the past mistakes that I have made in my life. It’s especially worse when those mistakes involve other people. I know that everyone slips up from time to time, but for me it’s hard to let go of the all-consuming shame. I’ve never wanted to hurt others, but inevitably it happens. And I hate it.
I often think about people who hurt others they don’t care for, and using their religion to justify their actions. To me, that’s one of the worst things that a person can do to someone else. When I was involved in youth group, I saw this unfortunate thing happen time and time again. Adults preached that there was only one way to live,a den if you made any variations on that plan, then you were wrong and needed to be corrected at once. This inspired a sinister fear within me that I haven’t been able to grapple with until now.
I was afraid of doing and being wrong in the eyes of people that I looked up to. But there were doubts in my mind. Unlike other teens in the group, my parents and other family members were accepting and encouraged me to consider other points of view. Yes, I was still a par to the group, but thankful I didn’t make it to a fanatic and quite frankly, an obnoxious level like people I knew. I wanted to belong and make a change. Youth group was able to give me some of that, but now that I’m older, I feel like I have it for myself.
I hope that my writings to you will help me as I continue my development as a person. I don’t want to be a carbon copy of other people, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t seek to help them. I wish we could all work together. Maybe it starts with me.