Being in recovery

Recovery can be a funny word to me. When most people see me I don’t think the word recovery comes to mind. I don’t look like someone who is in recovery, but surprise, surprise, I am. My recovery is not straightforward or clean, but it’s one that I’m working towards every day. My recovery is something that I hold dear to my heart. But sometimes, I don’t quite fully understand it. 

I’m not sure if my recovery has a set start date. There was not one specific day where I woke up and made a declaration that my recovery was starting now. Maybe in a way I’ve always been in recovery. Or maybe (and more likely), my forgetfulness is something that I need to work on. I’ve always wanted to be better than I was in my past, but until recently I never saw my past and the things that happened in it as something that I needed to recover from. It was all just a part of life, and I was just trying to live it the best way I knew how. 
Working in the mental health and addiction field, I hear a lot about recovery and its importance to many. People dedicate their entire lives and careers to helping others find and stay in recovery, and right now I am a part of that process. It is through this process that I have begun to see my own recovery for what it is. No, I have never been addicted to alcohol or other substances. But I do have to deal with very serious mental health issues every day. My anxiety and depression have both played huge roles throughout my life, and some of that has led to harmful behavior and thought processes that were anything but healthy for me. I know that I can’t live my the rest of my life in that head space, so I had to find a way out. That’s where recovery stepped in. 
My recovery is far from perfect, but it’s one that works for me. In my recovery I work on becoming the better version of myself with each passing day, even on the days when I don’t feel like it. I focus on my passions and dreams and how I can achieve them. My recovery reminds me to cultivate the physical, emotional, and spiritual parts of my being. That means taking time to work out, meditate, and overall treat myself with more love and respect. Learning to love myself has been one of the harder aspects for me to achieve through my recovery process, but I know deep down that it is essential for me to if I want my recovery to be long-lasting. I work to get better every day. And I hope that my progress is reflected through the way I carry out my life. 
Recovery is far from easy, but it is worth it. Recovery is about second chances. Each day brings its own unique set of challenges that we have to face, but it also gives us equal opportunities to do and be better than we were before. I know that I have a long way to go in my recovery, and I know that some days will be harder than others. But I’m confident that in the end everything will work out for the good. Recovery is a beautiful thing, and I want to experience its beauty to the fullest extent. 


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