My relationship with my mind has been quite interesting to say the least, and one that I have been trying to understand for most of my life. I have come to discover that anything about the mind cannot be simply explained (at least in my case), and that in order to learn more I have to dig deeper. I want to know why I laugh at some things and cringe at others. I want to know why certain thoughts can nag at me for hours at a time while others flit in and out, barely detected. Simply, why do I have depression and anxiety? All these things and more go through my head almost every day, and my mind can’t seem to answer questions about its own existence. But why not?
When I think of my mind I think about it as a complication. My mind is more than just the brain that resides in my head. It is made up of my experiences, attitudes, thoughts, beliefs and so much more. My mind is what makes me who I am. But what if my mind is working against me? Can I even trust myself? I sometimes have suspicions that my mind is not operating at a “normal” function and that there has to be something wrong. This suspicion is further fueled whenever I have complications with my mental health. I wonder if anything will ever be right with me. Or is my mind simply broken, just like the rest of me? My mind is both a beautiful and frightening thing, and I’m just waiting to se which side will win in the end.