Dear My Mind,
You have been with me since my very inception, yet it is only in recent years that I have actually started to reckon with you. For my entire life you have been the home to my grandest imaginations and dreams. Worlds have been shaped and characters conceived within your confines. You have forced me to wrestle with those “BIG” questions that all of us wrestle with at one time or another. You, Mind, are one of the most powerful forces in my life.
But right now…I want nothing more than to end you.
Yes, I know it’s harsh, but please hear me out for just a few moments.
It is no secret that for most of my life there has been something wrong. It is not all cookie-cutter and clean like other problems can be. This is a monster of a different kind, one that comes and goes yet at the same time is constant. It makes no sense. I am left feeling defeated and hopeless. My, my, my, your power to somewhat mess up my life is something to behold with fear in my heart.
Mind, sometimes I just can’t take it. You are always in my ear, persistently reminding me of sadness and insecurities. You affect the relationships with those I love, making me feel like I’m not worthy of their time or thoughts. To be honest, I’m probably worth nothing. I just beat myself up to the point where my fists can’t go on any longer. I am left as an empty shell, waiting for something to come.
The sad thing is, I don’t even know what that something is.
Well Mind, I guess I’ve gotten some grievances off my chest, but believe me, there’s much more. I am not quite sure what I was hoping to accomplish with this letter. Maybe some relief? Or mercy? Who knows?! I can be quite indecisive.
I guess in the end, all I can ask for is a moment of peace. A moment where I don’t want to beat my head up against the wall. A moment where I can actually say that I love myself.
Please Mind, I’m begging you….
I’ll buy you ice cream.